


Saudade

by Links6



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Everything Hurts, Kageyama Tobio-centric, M/M, OTP Feels, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Unrequited Love, angsty angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-13 04:54:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13563252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Links6/pseuds/Links6
Summary: (Portuguese) meaning: a nostalgic or melancholic longing for someone or something that's beyond your grasp. This would be the first time that Tobio Kageyama experienced it...





	Saudade

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was actually a challenge on tumblr to use a calming starter and end it to have an opposite or alternative meaning by the end of the fic. I hope it's mission accomplished *cries my OTP kaghina heart out*

“You'll be okay, okay?” 

Maybe, if he could breathe normally … or even think straight, it would be okay.

Maybe, if he could focus on even drawing in a breath, he could get his thoughts in order.

But, it was too much...

“I'll be fine.” he knows, at one point he'd said those words, but only because the words that follow could only make sense if that had indeed been the case.

“You're definitely NOT fine,” an angered retort fills his ears, and a couple of dull thuds against his chest centres him, “You'll be okay after some rest, but you most definitely are not FINE, dude!”

The swaying mirage of colours starts taking shape once more and rays of sunshine clears his vision.

Only, this sunshine has a smile and a concerned look on its face.

“Yo, Yamayama-kun, not cool! You almost gave me a heart attack!” 

A grumble in his ears suddenly registers to him, that that sound belongs to him. So, he doesn't do anything but just focus on filling his lungs with air once more. Twice more. Again.

“That's it.....” Hinata says and laughs, his voice tainted with the nerves strumming his system. “Man, you took a dive..”

“I did?” even to Tobio, his own voice sounds robotic, detached from his body and emotionless. But, that was far from from the panic swirling around in his chest right now.

“Yeah...” the concern filling the wing spiker's voice made Kageyama turn towards him instinctively. 

Tears were streaming down his face, yet a smile remained.

“Why're you crying?”

“Because...”

“... because?”

“Because you got hurt, fucknut!”

“I know, dumbass...” is all he can think to say as a smile involuntarily makes its way unto his features. He'd never experienced this before, someone being concerned for his well-being enough to be affected to such an extent as the boy next to him. 

After all, his own family... none of them have ever shown him such concern, ever. He'd been alone through most of his childhood. So, he had accepted, that he would never be able to experience the privilige others were seemingly boundlesslly blessed with. He had been fine without it. He had learnt to function without it.

The scene filled him with warmth and sparked a fire that he instantly knew he wouldn't be able to extinguish on his own.

“You're getting snot on your jersey...”

“Oh crAP!!”

So. That was it.

He'd thought... that … that would be it.

But, there's one thing that Kageyama didn't take into account. A spark might ignite match, but it might not be enough. Sometimes, no matter how well the conditions are tailored and how well its tended to, a fire simply won't start, not even enough to smoulder.

“So, please don't be mad,” Hinata says, wringing his hands together, his head bowed apologetically as he whispers, “... I don't like you like... that... I-I'm sorry....”

And this time, instead of concern and affection, the setter hates himself for causing tears of guilt and sadness to settle in the corner of Shoyou's eyes.

Of course, Kageyama knows he should feel sad and rejected... but all he could feel was pain. He made the only person that ever cared for him cry, again. He made them cry. They were clutching their chest in pain that he had caused.

The orange haired-teen ducks his head into his sports sweater, scrubbing his face harshly against the fabric before straightening up again, a forced smile appears on his face. A brave face, Kageyama realises, that Hinata only puts on to make others feel better, not a mask built to protect one's pride. 

The act of altruism pulls the last threads of Tobio's strength, his hands fall limply at his sides. 

“You'll be okay, okay?”

Tobio smiles as his mind screams the opposite to words leave his lips: “Yea. I'll be fine.”


End file.
